Chapter 3: A three-year-old child falls.

– Something’s falling!

I look up, my eyes catching something hurtling toward me at incredible speed.
The final memory of Sukumi Tanishi flashes back, and my body reacts before my mind can catch up.
I instinctively dive forward with a full-on headslide.
A moment later, something crashes where I’d been standing.
A deafening roar, like thunder, and a shockwave send my small body tumbling through the air.

Blown away and rolling, I somehow manage to protect my head.
I’m covered in dirt but unharmed.
Brushing off the mud, I stand and see a small but impressive crater before me.
The sight is so shocking my legs give out, and I collapse onto my rear.

…Could this be a magical attack as punishment for breaking the rules? Is this the ‘Meteor Fall’ spell?

The summoning magic circle hasn’t even activated yet.
It’s still just an attempt, and they’re already hitting me with lethal attack magic?
They’re clearly trying to kill me.
This merciless approach, unimaginable for a school, sends a chill through me, like a demon’s grip on my groin, making my hair stand on end.

…I underestimated this world.
I knew lives were cheap in this fantasy setting, but not to this extent…
Over the past year, a few classmates dropped out and left the academy.
I only learned of their departures after they vanished.
They must’ve met the same fate… and now I…
Am I going to die like this?

I can’t stay here!
If a follow-up attack comes, I won’t survive.
I need to move, buy time…
If I can get to a crowded place…
Surely they wouldn’t use a method that involves other students…
I need to find somewhere to hide…
But escaping isn’t possible.
My legs are jelly, my hands and feet trembling, unable to muster strength.

“Why… at a time like this?”

I’m stuck, unable to move.
My only free movement—my gaze—locks onto something wriggling in the crater’s center.

…Something’s crawling out!

There’s no follow-up attack because the first one isn’t over.
To survive that fall and still move—it must be a sturdily built assassination golem.
The name of a time-traveling killer android pops into my head.
There’s no convenient smelting furnace in the middle of this forest.
Fighting would only prolong my suffering.
Maybe I should’ve just taken the first hit and died painlessly…
As I think this, it finally crawls out from the hole in the crater’s center.

– Fluffy, pale cream-colored blonde hair…
– Golden eyes, darting around as if searching for something…
– A soft, round face with chubby cheeks…
– It’s unmistakably… a three-year-old child.

Yeah, probably not even five yet.
Assuming it’s human, that is…

“You bald jerk! I’ll make you cry for sure, so you’d better remember me!”

Whoa… it’s yelling at the sky.
What is it?
To crash like that and be fine, it’s definitely not human.
An assassination golem shaped like a three-year-old?
Ignoring my confusion, the mysterious toddler spots me and starts climbing out of the crater toward me.

“Oh? An old goblin, how rare these days… Gob, gob-gob, Gobbleeta…”

Peeking over the crater’s edge, the toddler stares at me with those golden eyes for a while.
As it climbs out, it starts chanting “gob-gob” like a song, occasionally mixing in crude sounds like “geh” or “peh.”
At first, it looks expectant, but soon its face puffs into a pout, hands on hips, stomping toward me.

“Are you… going to kill me? Just for breaking a rule…”

“Hmph, an old goblin speaking human language? Come to think of it, goblin tongue developed after you lot branched off into goblins and hobgoblins. My apologies for the oversight.
But why would I need to kill you?”

“…You’re not a golem sent to assassinate me—ow!”

The moment I say “golem,” the toddler’s right hook smacks my nose.

“Comparing me to a golem is an insult! Do you want to be turned into a toad that badly?
To think I was sent for you—don’t flatter yourself!
Do you believe you’re some chosen one?
A bit early for a fourteen-year-old’s delusions, don’t you think?”

Oh no, I’ve angered it.
They say you can’t win against a crying child or one who wets themselves, so I’d better appease it…
There might actually be magic to turn people into toads, and upon closer inspection, this toddler’s clothes suggest high status.
The pink onesie with a white-dyed stomach is one thing, but the white robe with gold embroidery and wide cuffs looks expensive, as do the matching embroidered cloth shoes.
Only a great noble would spend that much on a child’s footwear, and the fact that neither the clothes nor the toddler have a single scratch or stain suggests some magical treasure.

– You’re such a cute little lady~

Flattering her shamelessly works, and she perks up, snorting smugly through her nose, every bit the three-year-old she appears.
From what she says, she was “kicked out of her home for pulling pranks and dropped from the sky.”
Putting aside the surreal situation, it seems she just happened to land where I was—she wasn’t sent to kill me.
Even in this fantasy world, breaking school rules doesn’t mean instant execution.
What a relief.

“So, what’s your race? You’re not human, right?”
“I’m the one who… who… uh, something like a spirit… maybe?”

Why the question mark?
Her evasive, hesitant answer makes me wonder if she’s a golem after all, but her face sours again, glaring at me.

“Those eyes say you think I’m a golem.”
“N-no way! Besides, you mistook me for a goblin, so we’re even…”

Exactly! Even if I look like a goblin, mistaking me for a real one is too much.
She’s just a three-year-old—she doesn’t get a pass.
It’s my duty as the older one to correct her mistakes.

“What are you talking about? You’re absolutely an old goblin. I couldn’t possibly be wrong.”

The toddler’s eyes go wide, her expression screaming, “What are you even saying?”
To think I resemble a goblin so much that it’s shocking I’m not one—it’s a bit… no, a lot disheartening.

“My father’s human, and my mother’s a Rolling! Not a drop of goblin blood in me!”
“With a human father and a Rolling mother, you’re undeniably a purebred old goblin.
They’re distinct from modern goblins, so I’ll allow you to call yourself a new goblin.”

Apparently, goblins descend from a mixed race born to Earl Jen Tormen, a human, and Rolling daughters.
Over two thousand years ago, during the ‘Jen Tormen Rebellion,’ which caused the human-Rolling split, these poor children, born in the midst of it, were accepted by neither race, the toddler explains tearfully.

…Lies. It’s got to be a lie! I don’t believe it!

Even the kids who call me “goblin” don’t genuinely think I am one.
It’s humiliating, but I planned to prove them wrong with my skills.
But if this is true, I’m a real goblin—Goblin of the Goblins.
‘Called a goblin and mocked, but turns out I really was one’—even for an amateur novel, that’s a terrible plot.
It’d mean the kids who said, “What’s wrong with calling a goblin a goblin?” were right, and I was just resenting them for stating facts.
That’s too much… too pathetic…
And how does a three-year-old know ancient history? That’s just not right!
As I shake my head, teary-eyed like a toddler throwing a tantrum, the three-year-old whispers with a devilish grin.

“What’s wrong with that? As a newly born purebred old goblin, hobgoblin girls will surely whisper sweet nothings to you, even if just for a night.
You should know, hobgoblins have fairy blood, so their girls are all delicate, beautiful maidens, like flowers.”

A harem of delicate, beautiful maidens—an isekai hero’s paradise.
I do have a popularity cheat after all!
The toddler stretches out her hand, saying, “If you want, I’ll take you to the hobgoblins right now.”

– Now’s the moment of choice…
– Here, I’m just a dropout…
– If I take her hand, I’ll have my popularity cheat…
– A dream harem life within my grasp…

– No, no, no… don’t fall for it, me!

“I’m human! I’ll live as a human!”

I shout, pulling my hands behind my back.
That was close.
I gave up on cheats long ago, yet I almost dedicated my life to hobgoblins.
In my eighteen years as Sukumi Tanishi and eleven as Moronidas, I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I’m a healthy boy.
I’m definitely interested in girls and always open to romance.
At nearly wizard age, what a terrifying temptation she’s dangled before me.

“Hmph. If I took you along, the hobgoblins would’ve welcomed us with open arms…”

The toddler puffs her cheeks, grumbling.
She said she was kicked out of her home, but it seems she genuinely planned to use me as a gift to crash with the hobgoblins.
Her scheming is hardly that of a three-year-old.
A spirit-like thing… a bad spirit? A demon?

…I shouldn’t get further involved. Time to retreat.

That loud crash must’ve drawn attention, and I don’t want to be caught with an illegal magic circle.
I pick up the blown-away circle, checking it’s undamaged.
It’s a parchment scroll with a large circular magic array, but if it got ruined before use, my bribe would’ve been wasted.
I brush off the dirt, fold it carefully, and tuck it into my backpack.

“A teacher will probably come soon, so you should stay put.”
“You’re going to leave me all alone?!”

The toddler looks up with teary, anxious eyes, radiating a ‘don’t leave me’ aura that fills me with guilt.
But she made such a dramatic crash—teachers will come to investigate soon after students report it.
For a homeless three-year-old, being taken in by the faculty is better than sticking with me.
For her sake, it’s better if I’m not here.

Dismissing the idea of escorting her to a teacher, I justify my decision and run off without looking back.
This is fine… It’s best for you… Please understand… It’s more convenient for me too.

I dart through the forest, weaving around trees.
My physique and stamina are about that of a first-grader.
I jog daily, but running through an uneven forest with a backpack limits my distance.
Still, even a sturdy demon with a three-year-old’s stride shouldn’t keep up with me.
I change direction a few times to lose any pursuers.

Stopping to catch my breath, I regret not bringing a water bottle.
Listening carefully, I hear no one following and sigh in relief, leaning against a tree to rest.
Then, from ahead—not behind—she appears.

“Where do you think you’re going?”