Chapter 46: Self-consciousness.

“Just home,” she said, but no reply came back.

Sometimes Marin greeted her, but usually only after she had already returned to her room.
And today she had come home late without any warning.

The vast mansion remained as silent as ever.
A family of four, yet no different from when she had lived alone.
No voices, no presence, not even the faint sound of breathing reached her.

That was the distance between Violet and her family.

“Welcome home, Lady Violet. I apologize for not greeting you at the door.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t tell anyone I’d be late.”

“Did you go somewhere?”

“…I was asked to help the student council for a bit.”

“Eh…”

Marin’s usually sharp eyes widened in genuine surprise; a rare sight.
It was certainly unexpected, and understandably so.

Marin, who had been with her for years, knew Violet’s entire romantic history inside out.
She hadn’t witnessed the end of that twisted first love with her own eyes, but she could guess.
Violet had complained countless times about the lack of progress; it was only natural.

But this time it had nothing to do with romance or progress.
It was simply a coincidence of Violet’s desire to escape reality and the student council’s busiest season; their interests had aligned, nothing more.

“They’re severely short-staffed this year. I didn’t have anything else to do.”

“I see… If you’re tired, shall I have dinner brought to your room?”

“I really didn’t do that much, so I’m fine.”

She handed over her outer clothes and accepted the change of clothes Marin had prepared in order: white blouse, deep-blue flared long skirt with a tail, and finally Marin adjusted the collar to complete the look.

It wasn’t exactly loungewear comfort, but appearing at dinner in uniform would invite who-knows-what comments.

Still, since she wasn’t going out again, and this was only a bridge until nightwear, anything decent was acceptable.
Her father would be satisfied as long as appearances were maintained; and so would she.

“I’ll see you at dinner, then.”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Please rest a little until then.”

Marin bowed and left.

Left alone, Violet collapsed forward onto the two-seater sofa, sprawling across it.

Marin had told her to rest, meaning take a break, not sleep.
She only had to show up for dinner, yet Marin knew exactly how much mental strain that caused her.

She had meant to just rest her body a little; curling up too much would wrinkle her clothes; but perhaps because she had used her brain more than usual, her mind craved rest even if her body didn’t feel tired.

Before she knew it, her eyelids had fallen, and her drifting consciousness slipped straight into sleep.

She didn’t know how long she had slept.

The first thing her awakening mind registered was Marin’s troubled face: brows gently lowered, a faint grimace of distaste, an indescribable mix of emotions.

The moment she realized Marin was there, reality hit; she shot upright.

She quickly fixed her appearance and hurried toward the dining room, unsure why she felt so rushed.

But the moment the doors opened and she saw her father’s expression straight ahead, she understood perfectly: her actions had tightened the noose around her own neck.

“You’re late. What were you doing?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Sit down already. Everyone was hungry, yet we waited especially for you.”

“I’m sorry.”

She bowed deeply once and quickly took her seat.

As if soothing her father’s foul mood, her stepmother slowly stroked his hand and smiled.
Beside her, Mary-June puffed out her cheeks: “Father, don’t say it like that!”
Angry or not, it lacked any real force; if it had sound effects, “puff-pout” would be the limit.

The mother watched the father-daughter exchange with a gentle smile.
The father accepted his daughter’s words as though his earlier irritation had never existed; a perfectly polished scene.

It happened every day, so she no longer felt any desire to join in, but she still couldn’t understand why they bothered waiting for her when they could have such flawless family time without her.

They claimed to be hungry yet made no move to eat, only talking.

The dishes no longer steamed, but there was no need to let them grow cold deliberately.

In a voice low enough that no one would hear, she murmured the pre-meal grace, then picked up knife and fork.

If she was eating, she could focus on that.
Cut, carry to mouth, savor, chew, swallow; repeat.
She had to be careful not to finish too quickly; she couldn’t leave the table, or rather, she didn’t want to be the one to speak up and ask to be excused.

She noticed out of the corner of her eye that the three of them had also begun eating, but of course her father’s attention would only be on Mary-June’s blissful expression with every bite.

(I really was full of myself.)

As she mechanically ate, self-mockery leaked out.
Of course she pretended to chew so no one would notice, but even that was pointless.

In this space, Violet was unnecessary.
To her parents, she was probably worth about as much as a houseplant.
Or perhaps in their minds she didn’t even exist.

Who would care about a talking ornament like her?
Who would notice if she came home late?
If she simply said she wouldn’t be at dinner, her father probably wouldn’t realize even if she vanished overnight or never came home at all.

The naïveté made her want to vomit.
Was some part of her still hoping her father might care about her?
Even if that were true, it was nothing more than an unattainable dream.

A cut thread can be tied again.

But between her and her family, there had never been a thread to begin with.

The chasm deeper than an abyss would never be filled.

She brought a soft piece of fish to her mouth.

The dinner, prepared with her tastes in mind and supposed to be delicious, had no flavor at all.

––––––––––

“That was so good again today…”

Mary-June loosened her cheeks happily after her final bite.
Her parents, enjoying post-meal tea, nodded in satisfaction; the head chef would surely receive praise later.

Though the staff had changed over the years, the head chef had been there since her real mother was alive.
It was good that someone she knew was being praised.
She had been neglecting it because she had known them so long, but maybe she should go thank them again sometime.

Surprisingly, once everyone finished eating, dismissal was swift.
For people who forced family time, she would have expected them to prolong it under the name of tea, but her perpetually busy father often had his schedule packed outside breakfast and dinner.
She wished they would just start without her and let her leave whenever, but she had no right to voice that opinion.
Compared to being forced to stay for post-meal pleasantries, the current arrangement was better; she told herself that.

She left the dining room without speaking to anyone, merely raising a hand slightly to the few servants lined up behind her; they understood her gratitude perfectly.
They knew her position as well as the length of their service.

Feeling Marin follow, she walked in silence; no one spoke to her, and she spoke to no one.
As though no one had ever been there.

She was aware she had some presence outside, yet inside these walls she became as light as air.
If only she could use that outside too, life would be easier; was she recovering enough to think that, or had she simply given up?

“Shall we do a bubble bath tonight?”

“Huh…? What’s this all of a sudden?”

“It’s a special occasion; I’ll wash your back and hair.”

“My, full service.”

“Yes, the complete reward course.”

Having a maid assist with bathing was common among nobles.
Young children, or those who employed dedicated beauty attendants; it wasn’t rare.

But for Violet, baths had always been alone.
She couldn’t remember early childhood clearly, but as far back as she could recall she had soaked in the huge tub by herself.
Even her mother, who had always wanted her close, never approached during baths or dressing.

That had been normal, and even after Marin arrived, it hadn’t changed.

But on days when Violet was so exhausted that even bathing felt burdensome, when her mood sank so low she wanted to sink beneath the water, when all motivation had been scraped away; Marin would wash her hair or scrub her back under the guise of service.

After her real mother had locked herself away and stopped coming out, they had even played together in the bath; though that was no longer possible.

Being touched by human hands was surprisingly comforting.
For Violet, who had so few chances at physical contact, this was Marin’s devised solution.

“Fufu… then I’ll take you up on it.”

“Leave it to me. I’ve already noted that you’ve been slacking on hair care lately.”

Feeling the tension slowly drain from her shoulders, she thought that right now she would probably be able to taste delicious and not-delicious properly again.

Escaping the cage of family time was a big part, but without Marin’s kindness she would have fallen straight into a crucible of dark thoughts.

Surrounded by a space warmer than family, a smile even spilled out naturally.
She opened her softened heart wide, believing nothing could disturb her now.

“Big sister!”

The voice from behind made her defenseless heart creak audibly.
The pattering little footsteps approaching grated on her ears.

“Mary-June… did something happen?”

By the time she slowly turned, the gentle smile she’d worn moments ago had retreated deep behind an expressionless mask; neither good mood nor bad mood discernible.

Yet Mary-June still beamed, cheeks faintly pink; embarrassment or something else.
People instinctively wanted to protect creatures like this.
Adorable; even Violet honestly thought so.

“Um… do you have time right now?”

“…Yes, I do.”

For a brief moment, slight resistance.
Her true desire was to refuse, but reason and thought suppressed it.
If word got out that she had brushed Mary-June off coldly, who knew what kind of lecture she would receive next.
With prior offenses on record, they would self-righteously hurl “justice” at her like they’d caught a demon.

That would be nothing but trouble.

So she accepted without even putting up a preventive line, though she could already guess what came next.

“Then… um…! Would you like to talk in my room, please? Right now!”

See; exactly as expected.