Chapter 15: Your own life

Pushing open the door, the familiar emptiness greeted him.

The drawn curtains cast the house in gloom, but Meng Zhi didn’t bother turning on a light.

In the faint glow seeping through the curtain gaps, he stumbled to his room and collapsed onto the bed.

A heavy exhaustion nearly knocked him out.

But more than that, he felt relief.

…It’s out.

This time, not to save her. Not to please her.

Just so I can sleep at night.

I said it. I rejected Chen Xinya’s confession.

It was easier than he’d thought. He expected guilt or hesitation to hold him back.

But the moment he spoke, his soul felt lighter.

Finally, he could live for himself.

Even if he failed the mission and looped back in seven years, it didn’t matter.

For these seven years, he’d relax.

Play games if he wanted. Get drunk if he felt like it.

Make friends who shared his passions, compete in gaming tournaments, meet a normal girl outside the mission, have a light, happy romance.

If he didn’t meet anyone, that was fine too. He could get a dog, a cat, or both, curling up in his own little world, living just for himself.

That’s the life he wanted.

Imagining it, Meng Zhi’s lips curved slightly.

As for Chen Xinya…

He didn’t know. Didn’t want to.

Living for her was too exhausting. This time, he’d prioritize his own feelings.

His phone buzzed.

He unlocked it to see three words: “I’m sorry.”

From Chen Xinya.

He thought for a moment, then typed back, “Why apologize?”

“It was impulsive. I shouldn’t have said that so close to the exam.”

In the garden, the last light of sunset vanished, night falling like a coffin lid over Chen Xinya.

Head bowed, her pale face glowed in the dim light of her phone screen. Tears splashed onto it, her trembling fingers typing with white-knuckled force.

“Please forgive me. Just forget what I said this afternoon.”

Meng Zhi stared at the message, pondering how to reply.

Before he could, a flood of texts followed:

“I’ve known you since we were born. Maybe because we’re so close, I misread my feelings. This afternoon was a spur-of-the-moment thing, not thought through. Can you forget it?”

“I don’t want my impulsiveness to make things awkward, to stop us from talking, greeting, or looking each other in the eye.”

“Pretend it never happened, okay? I don’t like you. I just want to stay close friends, your childhood friend… or even just a regular friend…”

Meng Zhi lay on his bed, phone raised, staring silently at the screen.

In the garden, a child on an evening walk tugged his mother’s hand, whispering, “Mom, why’s that lady crying?”

“Shh… don’t bother her…”

Chen Xinya’s grip on her phone shook, her hair hiding her flushed nose and red-rimmed eyes, masking the decay in her gaze.

After an agonizing ten seconds, Meng Zhi’s reply came.

“Okay.”

She gasped, as if surfacing from suffocating water, clutching her chest and breathing hard. The cold and stifling dread ebbed slightly, leaving her trembling as she hugged her arms.

…She’d died once already.

But from the moment Meng Zhi rejected her to now, she’d endured a hell worse than death.

Even when she took her own life, she hadn’t felt such bone-deep fear.

Hearing him say he didn’t like her made her realize rebirth wasn’t her greatest asset.

She could really lose him.

Every word, every choice, every careless remark.

In this reborn time, before he loved her, before they married, any misstep could doom their relationship.

She’d vowed to keep him by her side this time.

Yet she was doing worse than her last life.

Greedy. Selfish. Ignoring his feelings.

“Calm down… Chen Xinya… you have to stay calm… please…”

Her lips trembled as she muttered to herself. “You’re starting from zero.”

“No more mistakes… never again…”

She repeated it, soothing her unease.

After a long while, her emotions settled. She wiped her tear-streaked face, stood shakily, and headed home.

She understood. She needed to scrap her old planner.

Time to start over with everything about Meng Zhi.

*

That night, Meng Zhi slept deeply.

No haunting nightmares. He slept over ten hours, waking at nine the next morning.

Checking his phone, he saw no new messages from Chen Xinya. Their chat ended with his “Okay” from yesterday.

But Feng Xiyao had bombarded him.

“Don’t forget tonight! I told my bandmates a super important guy is coming.”

“Hey, dress sharp, okay? They think my boyfriend’s showing up. If you look hot, I can show off a bit, right?”

“Do you drink? You can handle beer, yeah? I reserved two cases of Corona at the bar. Drink with me!”

…So annoying. Meng Zhi sighed, closing his phone.

She was still so loud, overflowing with energy, texting every three minutes whether he saw it or not.

He lay back, scrolling through stocks, Bitcoin, and funds, then got up.

…Fine.

He’d promised. Might as well get a decent outfit.

Truth be told, Meng Zhi used to have zero fashion sense. He’d only learned from catering to these girls over time.

After a morning shopping in the commercial district, by noon, he was carrying several bags.

Debating between a quick Shaxian snack or treating himself at Haidilao, a crisp, soft voice sounded.

“Um… excuse me.”

“Do you know me?”

His breath stopped.

Turning, he saw a girl with curly hair, glasses, and a black dress, her eyes nervous and uneasy. Her tone was timid, as if afraid her question was too bold.

Meng Zhi looked at her, keeping his expression puzzled. “Have we met? I don’t remember.”

“Oh…”

A flicker of disappointment crossed her eyes, but she said nothing more, bowing politely. “Sorry, I must’ve mistaken you.”

She left, dazed.

Meng Zhi watched her back, silent for a long time, before walking away as if nothing happened.

…You didn’t mistake me, Lin Yuhan.

But I shouldn’t know you.