Chapter 20: I can’t sleep without you in my arms

After the toast, Feng Xiyao quickly struck up a conversation with Lin Yuhan’s friends.

Lin Yuhan stayed quiet, shrinking to the side, sipping her drink. She barely looked up, afraid Meng Zhi would catch her stealing glances. She’d sneak a peek, then immediately pretend to focus on her drink.

But she never expected him to speak first.

“We meet again.”

“Last time on the commercial street, you asked me something, and I still don’t get what you meant.” Meng Zhi took a sip of his drink.

Lin Yuhan tensed, her hand tightening around her glass. After a long pause, she mumbled, head lowered, “Nothing… I just mistook you for someone else.”

“Really? Just a coincidence?”

“Yeah.”

Meng Zhi smiled, not pressing further.

Lin Yuhan hesitated, then asked softly, “I didn’t expect to see you here… Do you come to this bar often?”

“Nope, first time.”

He glanced at Feng Xiyao. “Came with my sister.”

“Sister?”

Lin Yuhan didn’t recall Meng Zhi having a sister. At least in their last life, he never mentioned one.

“Stepsister. My parents just got divorced. She’s my stepmom’s kid.”

“Oh… I’m sorry, did I bring up something painful?”

“It’s fine. I don’t think my parents’ divorce is anything to be sad about.” Meng Zhi smiled. “If anything, it’s a relief.”

Lin Yuhan stared at his tired smile, lost in thought.

She’d seen that smile before.

Sometimes, when she wrote through the night, she’d find Meng Zhi in the living room, eyelids drooping but stubbornly watching TV to stay awake.

The moment she appeared, he’d perk up, smiling. “Done writing? Hungry? I’ll make you some noodles.”

“Mm… tomato and egg noodles.”

“Got it. Go shower, I’ll have it ready.”

Back then, she felt only happiness. Any girl would, knowing a man stayed up all night for her.

She’d occasionally urge him to sleep, but he’d always rub her hair with that same weary smile.

“It’s fine. I can’t sleep without holding you.”

She believed him.

Now, she realized she didn’t know Meng Zhi as well as she thought.

He knew all her quirks, her emotions, her secrets. But she didn’t even know he had a sister or that his parents divorced.

In their last life, she’d been too absorbed in his care, trapped in her own pain and obsession.

She hadn’t bothered to look at him.

To see if he was hurting because of her. Exhausted from taking care of her.

Love should be mutual.

But in the moments he needed her, she’d been oblivious.

“…Uh, what’s that?”

Lost in guilt and heartache, Lin Yuhan was startled to find her hand reaching instinctively to touch Meng Zhi’s hair.

Her body had acted on old habits, moving without her conscious thought.

“Oh, s-sorry!”

Flustered, she yanked her hand back, gulping her drink to cover her embarrassment, only to choke from drinking too fast.

Meng Zhi watched her fumble, then smiled as if nothing happened. “Slow down. That’s a cocktail—you’re supposed to savor it.”

“If you want to chug something, stick to beer next time.”

Lin Yuhan froze, her gaze dropping slowly.

“Next time… will we drink together again?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, no, I-I was just saying!” she stammered, her voice catching the attention of her friends nearby.

“Wanna drink? Drink!” her friend said carelessly. “We signed a contract with their band. They’ll be regulars, so come back anytime. Drinks on the house.”

“Nah,” Meng Zhi chuckled. “I’ve got the college entrance exam in a few days—”

“So what? We’ve got exams too,” her friend waved off. “Come back after.”

…Drinking at a bar days before the exam? That’s a new one.

Not wanting to be rude, Meng Zhi agreed vaguely.

“Alright, time for the next warm-up set.”

Feng Xiyao tugged Meng Zhi away from Lin Yuhan. “Thanks, boss, we’re heading down!”

“Keep up the good work~”

As they left, Lin Yuhan couldn’t help but glance at Meng Zhi.

He wasn’t looking at her, nor did he seem to notice anything off in her words. He was still arm-in-arm with the girl, laughing and talking, the picture of enviable closeness.

Lost in the sight, Lin Yuhan was startled by her friend’s teasing nudge.

“Yuhan, fess up. You’re into that guy, aren’t you?”

“What? No—” Lin Yuhan denied, shocked.

“Don’t play dumb. You’re all nervous. It’s not a big deal—he’s cute.”

Her friend frowned. “But it’s tricky… looks like he’s taken.”

“…That’s his sister, not his girlfriend,” Lin Yuhan mumbled.

Her friend’s grin turned sly. “Oh-ho, saying you’re not interested, but you already snooped, huh?”

“Not a girlfriend? Easy peasy. With your charm, Yuhan, bagging a cute guy’s a cinch.”

“Hold up, I’ll get his WeChat from the band for you.” She started typing.

Lin Yuhan wanted to protest, but her words felt weak, almost laughable.

This wasn’t her intention.

She truly didn’t want to disrupt his life this time.

So how did things spiral like this?

She had to admit, maybe she was lying to herself.

She hadn’t let go of Meng Zhi.

Couldn’t bear to leave him.

Still trapped in the dream of their last life.

In that dream, he stayed up with her till dawn.

Cooked her noodles, read her drafts first.

Held her like a plush toy, kissing her ears, ruffling her soft hair, saying:

“I can’t sleep without holding you.”