Chapter 48: Only when I get hurt can my mother love me

No.

Asking them meant the twins would push further—insist on joining in…

Just picturing Liang Lai kissed by others lit a nameless fire in Duoluosa’s chest.

So, other routes… Ways outnumber snags; some drug had to knock Liang Lai out deep.

Duoluosa mulled it, then—uncharacteristically—let go of the saintess’s hand.

Claimed she itched to advance, headed for the library.

“Ah…”

Watching Duoluosa’s retreating back, Liang Lai swelled with pride.

“Little Duo’s such a diligent, eager learner.”

Who could’ve guessed her zeal poured entirely into Liang Lai?

Iluci, spotting Duoluosa gone, finally exhaled.

She swung Liang Lai’s hand gleeful, heart singing: at last, some saintess time.

But Asteris and Delucia lingered.

No help for it; Iluci could only hover shy, watching Delucia chat merry with Liang Lai—Asteris piping in now and then.

No friends here, and her timid streak? She just glued to Liang Lai’s side, feigning book-gaze in mutter silence.

If the twins had holed in the practice room before, now Iluci witnessed their cling supreme.

“M-Mom…”

“Mommy!”

Iluci barely breathed it before Delucia cut in, yanking Liang Lai’s hand—thrilled, towing her to her room to show off her craft.

Iluci’s hand hung limp midair, eyes dim on the unfolding.

Asteris clocked it sharp—but mulled, then skipped the olive branch, no invite to Delucia’s with her and Iluci.

Truth: she didn’t mind Iluci’s slot in the Immaculate Courtyard—but no warmth forthcoming either.

‘Cause… she sensed Iluci hid something, and it sure wasn’t the pure waif act on the surface.

‘What’ll she pull next if we all ice her?’ Asteris thought.

‘Better watch—see if she “slips” hurt again. If yes… that last tumble was no fluke…!’

So Asteris just glanced back at Iluci cool—then hiked her skirts, beaming as she scampered into her sister’s room.

Soon, laughter pealed from within.

Iluci slumped forlorn on the sofa, adrift on what to do.

Loneliness gnawed; Asteris and Delucia basked in Mom-time, Duoluosa struck her as fiercely self-made—only she, unmoored, craved the saintess’s near… but now the saintess tended others…

She traced her once-broken leg; premium meds mended it in a week-plus, pain fleeting to the wreck—gone post-dosage…

Those hurt days? Liang Lai guarded her like a pupil; purest bliss she’d known…

“So… still crave the saintess’s eyes on me…” she murmured, light fading in her pupils.

“B-But can’t keep hurting… She’ll be out soon, right?”

Self-soothe faltered.

But Liang Lai lingered ages in Asteris and Delucia’s room—untethered.

At Asteris’s cue, Delucia’d snared her tight—just to freeze Iluci longer.

The twins craved to see: would this pitiful act “tumble” again?

Outside, Iluci’s heart wrenched to the room’s glee.

Earlier, Liang Lai chatted with the twins—but stayed by her side at least.

Now? Not even that…

“So… yeah, gotta hurt to snag the saintess’s notice… Or, or she ignores me—eyes yanked elsewhere! I-I…”

Tears spilled.

“Can’t sparkle lively like the others, no sweet talk, no charm to win her smiles… So slow on uptake, I-I… All I want’s not much! But, but…”

She choked, rising wobbly—gaze hollow on Delucia’s door.

“But why deny me even this scrap? I-I… Don’t crave her all— just a corner by her side… Yeah…!”

Iluci’s tone sank low, voice thinning to whisper.

She reached Delucia’s door—but didn’t push; just stood quiet, ear to the joy inside.

“The saintess sounds so happy… Yeah, happier than with me? But, but even so… I want her by my side!”

Her eyes firmed once more.

Iluci eased the door—but not Delucia’s; the one next, to the balcony room.

Step by step to the rail’s edge, arms folding atop—staring vacant to the horizon.

They’d returned late; sun dipped, dark total.

“What if I fell from here?” Iluci whispered to herself.

She dipped her gaze to the lawn below.

Second floor, sure—but height enough for snapped limbs.

Nonfatal key: third floor wrong-angled? Death risk, or veg-state odds higher.

“Just fall from here… Then bask in saintess love again—even days. Days’d thrill…”

Her lips curved slow, arc widening—to eerie grin at last.

She eyed a distant bird.

“Yeah, just playing with them—slipped off the balcony by mishap. Not on purpose… Mom, you’d ache for me, right? Forgive? Linger longer? Even with others near…”

With that, Iluci rose on tiptoe—half her frame cantilevered over the rail.

She stretched frantic for the bird, body teetering wild.

In the next room, Liang Lai stayed clueless—still guffawing at the twins’ dad jokes.