Chapter 5: In short, I need to buy her a bra.

Lu Hang increasingly felt that Bai Huang turning into a girl was definitely the goddess’s doing.

His mind was a mess for a moment.

“Whatever. Always look on the bright side…”
Lu Hang muttered to himself and closed the laptop.

Right now he had a literal god watching over him.
Complete her weird-ass tasks and get cash rewards.

Lu Hang’s biggest dream in life had always been to become a landlord.
This area was right next to the university—
if he could knock out a few more of these missions and save up,
maybe this generous goddess would help him scrape together a few tens of thousands.
Then he could rent out some rundown places and sublet them to incoming college students.
The second half of his life would be comfortably middle-class.

Problem solved ahead of schedule.

Not bad when you think about it.

Lu Hang never wanted anything to do with women in this lifetime.
But Bai Huang was different.

Bai Huang was his bro, not some woman.

Even if she showed up at his door all curvy and helpless,
Lu Hang still didn’t see her as a woman at all.

While gaming on the computer, he glanced over—
Bai Huang wasn’t there.
She’d said earlier she was borrowing his bathroom.
Come to think of it, she’d carried that strong nightclub perfume smell the whole time—
kinda overpowering.
Probably from last night when she went out singing K with the girls.

The wheel of karma really turns.
One night later, she became one of the girls… and grew the parts to match.

Peak irony.

She was self-conscious about reeking of alcohol, so she went to shower.

When they talked, there was still a slight awkwardness—
his good bro had suddenly become a stunning girl with an impressive chest, ass, and figure.
But as soon as the conversation started, the old “brothers for life” inertia kicked in and carried them through.

Silence, though—that was deadly.

Lu Hang had never even held a girl’s hand.
Now a woman was showering in his tiny apartment.
When he looked away from the screen and stole a glance at the pile of clothes she’d casually discarded at the bathroom door,
plus the sound of rushing water,
his heart started racing for no good reason.
He couldn’t help imagining water droplets sliding down her smooth thighs…

And above those thighs… what would there be?

Definitely no dick.

The mountains are empty, the paths deserted, ten thousand birds gone, no human tracks left…

Stop thinking like that.
Lu Hang shook his head hard and slapped his own face.

This is my brother.

My brother’s about to end up homeless on the street, and here I am fantasizing about him showering.
Am I even human?

“Old Hang, which one’s the body wash?”
Bai Huang’s voice came through the door, mixed with steam and a bit of echo.

“The blue bottle!”
Lu Hang shouted back.

“Can I use your towel?”
She asked tentatively.

“Go ahead.”
Lu Hang took a deep breath.

Sure enough, talking fixed everything.

That beautiful girl with the narrow phoenix eyes and tear mole,
that long-legged, big-chested, perfect-figured sister—
the moment she spoke, she turned right back into the familiar Bai Huang.
The rich kid so loaded he was practically begging to be punched.

They’re bros.
How could there be any weird thoughts?

Those were just illusions.

“I don’t have any clean clothes to change into.”
Her voice sounded uneasy:
“Can I borrow yours, bro?”

“Sure.”
Lu Hang stood up to find her something.

They’re bros.
Just bros.

But what the hell do you even pick?
Lu Hang didn’t own any women’s clothes.
If he handed her a skirt right now, the misunderstanding would be nuclear—
he could jump in the Yellow River and still not wash it clean.

His usual style was pure homebody anyway.
After thinking forever, he grabbed a T-shirt and a pair of shorts and set them outside the door:
“I put them outside for you.”

“OK, no problem, bro.”
Her voice from inside the bathroom was clearly full of gratitude:
“Thanks.”

“Thanks for what.”
Lu Hang let out a breath:
“We’re fucking bros.”

He finally calmed down.

Mainly because that feeling earlier had been terrifying—
the feeling of getting turned on by your own brother.

Those legs and that ass were just… too much.

The moment the feeling hit, he didn’t know whether to feel disgusted or what.
Some weird mix of gay-vibes-but-not-really that left Lu Hang completely lost on how to face her.

He didn’t even know why he was panicking so much.
Ever since she walked in, his heart had just been racing nonstop.

But it was fine.
The person in the bathroom was still his brother—
the same guy he used to share pants with.

Until the petite girl wearing his oversized T-shirt stepped out,
a towel wrapped around her head,
water droplets still clinging to her skin,
looking a little shy and timid as she glanced at Lu Hang.

Lu Hang’s eyes accidentally drifted to her chest—
and his whole body jolted like he’d been struck by lightning.

“What’s wrong, Old Hang?”
Bai Huang asked, noticing his reaction and getting uneasy.

“Good brother.”
Lu Hang forced his gaze away with great difficulty, scrambling for words:
“You’re… poking through. Let’s go buy you a bra.”

…

Inside the mall.

“How much is this bra per jin?”
“How much per pound?”

“Sister, we don’t sell them by weight here…”

“Mainly I want to buy a bunch. I’ll be staying out for a while.”
Bai Huang stood in front of Lu Hang, gesturing helplessly:
“Need to change them often, so more is better. Money’s no issue, understand?”

“Even if you were the U.S. President going to Syria, we still can’t sell bras by the pound.”
The clerk looked helpless.

The girl in Lu Hang’s shirt looked completely out of place in the store,
hands on hips, staring at the discounted bras like she had no idea what to say.
Lu Hang trailed behind her, thinking to himself that his T-shirt on her looked more like a dress—
way too big.

“Weirdos.”
She turned helplessly to Lu Hang:
“They’re leaving money on the table.”

“Have you ever bought a bra before?”
This was Lu Hang’s first time in a women’s lingerie store too.
Even though he was just accompanying his now-female best bro,
it still felt awkward as hell.

He’d always thought he knew a thing or two about bras and cups—
knew roughly what the sizes meant—
but he never realized you actually had to know the exact cup size to buy one.
He’d vaguely imagined it was like buying socks or underwear online in bulk—
sizes exist but aren’t that strict, just slip it on and go.
After all, bras are held by elastic.
But when he voiced this understanding, the clerk just shook her head furiously.
Lu Hang had no idea there were so many rules.

“You think I’ve bought one before?”
Bai Huang shot back.

“Fair.”

“We don’t know your size yet…”
The clerk wiped sweat from her face and asked.

Bai Huang froze.

Lu Hang knew exactly why she froze—
she probably had no clue what her size even was.

Back at his place the bathroom had been chilly,
and the rough fabric rubbing against her chest had made her poke through noticeably—
which felt embarrassing, so the mood had died.
They’d stood in silence for a while, chatted randomly,
then decided on the spot to “go buy a pack of smokes”… except it turned into buying a bra.
They’d even come in house slippers.
Only after arriving did both realize how little they actually knew.

She pursed her lips, reached up to cup her own chest,
and roughly measured with her hands.

Then she shaped one hand into a bowl and whispered:
“About this big. Got any?”

Truly ancient method of buying a bra.

“You have to tell me your cup size, ma’am.”
The clerk looked like she was about to give up.

“Tch.”
Bai Huang was getting impatient, her small face full of grievance.
She turned back to him:
“What cup am I?”

“Bro.”
Lu Hang gave a苦笑:
“How the fuck would I know?”

“Huh?”
Bai Huang thrust her chest toward him:
“Didn’t you used to brag you could spot a girl’s cup size from eight hundred li away? A to G, talking like an expert. I’m right here in your face—how can you not tell now?”

“I was bullshitting. You actually believed me?”
Lu Hang wiped sweat.

“Trash.”
She looked at him with utter contempt.

Fortunately the store clerks could help measure.
The clerk went and got a younger girl,
who led the puffed-up, indignant Bai Huang to the fitting room.

Lu Hang could only sigh in感慨.
Live long enough and you really will see everything.

Today he was out shopping for bras with his bro.

What a world.

Wearing slippers, Lu Hang had no choice but to wait in the store.
Bored, he glanced around—
turns out a guy standing here wasn’t that conspicuous.
Plenty of couples, plenty of gay guys accompanying girls to buy bras.
It actually made Lu Hang feel a little less awkward.

Until he overheard:

“Husband, look at this pattern—it’s so pretty, isn’t it cute?”
A female college student pointed at a bra, speaking in a soft, coquettish voice.

“Baby looks good in anything. Let me touch~”

“Hehe~ Kiss me, hubby~”

Lu Hang felt helpless.
Everyone here came with their partners.

They could flirt while shopping.
Meanwhile he stood there alone in flip-flops like a soldier on guard duty.

Looked completely out of place.

He still didn’t know why Bai Huang had suddenly turned into this delicate, coquettish girl.
He was shocked but had accepted it—
yet everything still felt unreal, like he was dazed.

“Hey, Old Hang! Come help—tell me if this pattern looks good.”
Bai Huang’s embarrassed voice finally came from the fitting room:
“Come give your savage review.”

Lu Hang called back casually:
“Looks good. All of them look good…”

“You didn’t even look! Fuck your mouth.”
Her voice turned angry and embarrassed:
“Get over here!”

Lu Hang, a grown man, really didn’t want to stand around in a women’s lingerie store—
it felt mortifying—
but when she urged him he still subconsciously walked over, complaining as he went:
“You’re buying a bra, not wearing it on your head. Who’s gonna see the pattern under your clothes anyway? What’s the point of it looking good?”

“Shut up and come here.”
She said.

…