Chapter 53: I am just an outsider

The smell of disinfectant in the hospital was always so sharp.

Feng Xiyue had always hated places like this.
Accompanying that smell were farewells, illness, and death.

…Just like when her father left.

The testing window was bustling with people, and many waited on the chairs.
Feng Xiyue’s mother walked over with the report, looking relieved:
“I really scared myself… I actually thought you two kids were fooling around without taking precautions.”

“You’re something else, suddenly vomiting by the roadside with no illness. How scary was that?”

Feng Xiyue didn’t respond.

Her unfocused gaze drifted to the distant window, where white birds flew under a pale sky.

“Alright, since you’re fine, let’s go back.”
Her mother tucked the report into her bag and stood to leave.
“You’ve already skipped half a day. Tomorrow, no matter what, you’re going to—”

She suddenly paused.

Feng Xiyue turned her head blankly and saw Meng Zhi stepping out of the elevator in the distance.

She froze for a moment, then glared at the woman beside her with deep resentment.

“…Let’s be clear.”

Feng Xiyue’s mother frowned slightly.
“It wasn’t me who told him. Probably his father.”

Feng Xiyue slowly lowered her head, the light in her dim eyes completely extinguished.

Meng Zhi spotted Feng Xiyue and her mother in the crowd.
He turned to Chen Xinya, asking her to wait, then walked over calmly.

“Meng Zhi, hey.”

Feng Xiyue’s mother immediately put on a warm smile.
“What brought you here? Worried about Xiyue’s health? Oh, you’re such a sweet kid. Xiyue’s fine—”

“How are you?”

Meng Zhi didn’t look at the woman’s smiling face.
He walked straight to Feng Xiyue and spoke calmly.

The woman’s smile stiffened, but she said nothing more.

Feng Xiyue slowly raised her head mechanically, looking up at Meng Zhi.

The hospital’s overhead lights felt cold and harsh.
Against the light, Meng Zhi’s face seemed shrouded in darkness, his expression unreadable.

For a fleeting moment, Feng Xiyue wanted to grab his hand and pour out all her fears and anxieties to him.

But in the end, she only lowered her head again, murmuring bitterly, “…I’m fine.”

“Is that so?”

Meng Zhi nodded.
“Then I’ll head back.”

“…Huh?”

Feng Xiyue looked up in confusion.
She never expected Meng Zhi to come all this way just to say one sentence and leave.

And he really did turn to leave after speaking, without the slightest hesitation.

“Wait, wait…”

Meng Zhi felt someone tugging at him from behind.
Turning around, he saw Feng Xiyue clutching his sleeve tightly.

“I lied.”

Feng Xiyue kept her head down, her short hair hiding her expression.

“I’m not okay.”

‘I’m actually really happy that you came to see me.’
‘I’m actually really scared right now, and I’d feel so much better if you stayed by my side.’
‘I actually dream of being like we were in our past life.’
‘You held my hand, and we ran away together, not caring about anything, to a world that was just ours.’

Feng Xiyue’s mother watched Meng Zhi quietly from the side, curious about how he’d respond.

Meng Zhi was silent for a moment before turning to her.
“What do you want to do?”

“I want you to take me away.”

Gathering her courage, Feng Xiyue slowly raised her head, a faint glimmer of hope in her eyes, pleading with Meng Zhi.

Meng Zhi thought for a moment.
“Why do I have to take you away?”

“I—I don’t have anyone else to turn to—”

“You can leave on your own.”

Feng Xiyue froze.

“Truth is, people don’t need to rely on someone else to keep going.”

Meng Zhi spoke softly.
“If you think you do, that’s just an excuse for being weak and avoiding reality.”

“Sure, relying on others can make life easier. It’s fine to lean on someone occasionally, but depending on them forever? That’s not the way.”

“It causes trouble for the person you rely on, and it makes you so used to running away that you can’t live normally anymore.”

Feng Xiyue never imagined she’d hear such words from Meng Zhi.

But every word he said pierced her heart.

“I could help you.”

Meng Zhi said softly, “But I don’t think you need my help.”

“Whether to go to school, whether to listen to your parents, how to handle your family relationships… these aren’t as hard as you think.”

“You’re just too used to relying on others.”

‘Or rather…’
‘Too used to relying on me.’
‘Though, in the end, it’s probably my fault too.’
Meng Zhi chuckled inwardly.

In that past life, when Feng Xiyue couldn’t handle the pressure, she chose to have him take her away.

He didn’t refuse. He went along with her wishes and did everything she wanted.

That led to her excessive dependence on him, believing that running away with him was the right choice, that he was her savior, her everything.

But this life was different.

Meng Zhi had already decided. This life, he’d prioritize living well for himself.

Blindly helping wouldn’t truly save anyone.
It would only deepen their dependence on him, dragging him down with them into the abyss.

He’d been through that process too many times.

“Too used to relying on others…”
Feng Xiyue murmured to herself.

For a moment, she didn’t know how to process those words.

“What should I do?”

“No idea.”
Meng Zhi stretched lazily and waved a hand.
“You can figure it out yourself. Let me know when you do.”

“I’m heading back.”

Feng Xiyue opened her mouth to say something but couldn’t get the words out.
Meng Zhi, however, seemed to remember something and paused.

“Oh, right.”

“If you have another performance, let me know.”

“I’ll come watch,” he said softly.

…Like a glacier cracking open.

A spark of light returned to Feng Xiyue’s eyes.

She took a deep breath and nodded.
“I got it.”

Feng Xiyue’s mother raised an eyebrow.
Clearly, this conversation hadn’t gone the way she expected.

“Meng Zhi…”
She started to speak, but Meng Zhi turned to her.

“Does Auntie have something to say?”

“I’m not blaming you,” Feng Xiyue’s mother said with a wry smile, her tone gentle.
“But isn’t it a bit much to say that? Xiyue’s still in school. Encouraging her to go down some crooked path—”

“You’ve misunderstood me, Auntie.”

Meng Zhi’s face was expressionless.
“I just think Feng Xiyue is an adult. She can decide for herself what to do, what she wants. I’ve never encouraged her to go down any ‘crooked path.’”

“If she wants to study hard and get into a good university, of course I’d support that.”

“But why doesn’t she want to go to school? Why is she always clashing with you, Auntie? Why can’t you two ever sit down and talk properly? Who’s the problem here, or are you both at fault…”

“Those are things you should think about, Auntie,” Meng Zhi said calmly.
“I’m just an outsider.”