Chapter 57: Two.
From that day until today, he had watched her from right beside her.
He had wanted to offer her, without reservation, the heart she had saved.
And what he learned was his own ignorance and powerlessness.
He had been saved, yet he could do nothing.
He only prioritized his selfish desire to stay by her side, unable to give her anything in return.
Little by little, but unmistakably, she warped.
The beauty he had seen that day never faded; instead it grew sharper and sharper.
The more she grew, the more she was denied; perhaps it was inevitable that Violet would go mad with time.
He had wanted to support her.
He had wanted to save her.
He had wanted to be the one to help Violet.
But the one she wished for was never Yulan.
Her love had probably been the single remaining shard of purity left in her distorted self: the hope she found at the end of that distortion.
If it was a prince, he would save her.
A little girl who still yearned for fairy tales.
Even so, it was fine.
If Violet could be saved, if she could be happy, it didn’t matter that he wasn’t part of the future she chose.
Even after she twisted, Violet still loved Yulan the same way.
That alone had never changed; she continued to cherish him with straightforward affection.
He had thought that was enough.
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“Yulan…?”
He placed his own hand over the one on his cheek and wrapped his fingers around hers.
Don’t let go.
I don’t want you to let go.
He clung as if to bind her to him.
But his intention never reached her.
To Violet, it was simply indulging a spoiled Yulan.
There was no meaning in clinging to someone who had no desire to leave in the first place.
His actions were accepted.
Only their feelings passed each other by.
He mustn’t let it show.
He still had to remain her little brother; he knew that.
Choosing what was best for Violet was as natural to Yulan as breathing.
But sometimes breathing hurt.
“What’s wrong…?”
“Nothing… it’s nothing.”
“…”
Violet gave him a suspicious look; anyone could see he was far from okay; but she didn’t press further.
She had probably decided that probing under the guise of worry would only make things worse.
Her judgment was correct, and even if she had asked, Yulan couldn’t have answered.
The feelings he harbored now were meant only for Violet to hear; and at the same time, they were feelings she must never, ever know.
“Let’s go, Vio-chan. If we’re late, Marin-san will worry.”
“Yes…”
“I’m getting hungry, too.”
“You didn’t eat anything during the break, after all.”
“Everything we bought was sweet; while you were choosing I forgot about myself~”
They traded light banter, yet something dark and heavy lingered in Yulan’s heart.
He should have been basking in the joy of walking beside her, yet part of him felt like he was watching the scene from behind.
Yulan knew there were two hearts inside him.
Not in the sense of split personalities; simply that he had one heart he used only for Violet, and buried deeper, another will.
In every situation, the heart came first.
The other one was nothing more than storage for feelings toward everyone else.
Even if that storage collapsed, Yulan could live without the slightest inconvenience.
Yet it undeniably existed, and because it existed, it possessed its own will.
Everything within Yulan was colored by his love for Violet; there was no place untouched.
Inside the cluttered, carelessly packed storeroom, that love asserted itself.
It prioritized and respected not Violet, but its owner; Yulan himself.
If only it had been just the two of them.
If only the world contained nothing but him and Violet.
Then he would never have had to know the moment she fell in love with someone else.