Chapter 8: The Chicken That Can’t Be Returned.

Sure enough, Bai Huang turning into a girl was this entity’s doing.

Lu Hang took a deep breath.
The words “fuck your mouth” nearly slipped out.

“I did it to increase your chances of finding a girlfriend… because it’s really hard for you to get one, right?”
The goddess casually took a sip of iced black tea:
“My original plan was to find a girl already in your life, then just matchmake you two a little—play matchmaker for this world, you know? But turns out you don’t have a single girl around you.”

“To raise the success rate, I turned your former dorm roommate into a girl.
This way, before you graduate, your odds of finding a girlfriend go way up.
You’ll easily get a girlfriend now.
Am I a genius or what?”

You’re a fucking lunatic.

Lu Hang was utterly dumbfounded.

What kind of brain-dead idea was this?
A bad person racking their brain couldn’t come up with something this stupid—only an idiot’s sudden inspiration could.

“I’m not even going to talk about how many flaws are in this plan, but if you’re turning my friends into girls, at least give me a heads-up, right?”

“Forgot.”
She grinned sheepishly, tapped her own forehead, stuck out her tongue, and tried to act cute.

Cute.

He wanted to kick her head clean off.

“You just said four? Mu Yinan and the others got hit too?
I thought it was only Bai Huang.
Aren’t you going a bit too far?”

“I do whatever I want.”
The goddess said indifferently.

Lu Hang took another deep breath:
“Falling in love is one thing, but what the hell does turning my bros into women mean?
I’m warning you—change them back right now.
Don’t think just because you’re a god you can do whatever you please.
You think I won’t go full ‘a common man’s rage—’”

“Want to become a catgirl again?”
The goddess asked.

“I was wrong.”
Lu Hang said immediately.

“That’s a good boy.”
The goddess stared at the screen without even glancing at him, took another casual sip of her drink, nodded in satisfaction:
“Finding you a partner is tied to my internship performance.
You must have a girlfriend before graduation. No exceptions.”

Lu Hang’s scalp went numb.

Why was this goddess so obsessed with making him date someone?
Lu Hang genuinely thought romance was pointless.
The moment he realized his four brothers’ dicks had vanished because of one of his wishes, he felt a wave of powerlessness.

But he still needed to get his bros’ dicks back.

Lu Hang took another deep breath and tried to bargain:

“Okay, fine. I promise to complete the mission.
I swear I’ll definitely find a girlfriend before graduation…
And I obviously can’t date my own bro, right?
Just give my friends their dicks back first.
Anything else, whatever you say—I’ll agree to it all.
One by one, I’ll take them.”

Not wanting a girlfriend was one thing,
but letting his brothers lose their dicks because of him was another.

He couldn’t let his bros suffer because of his own wish.

Lu Hang thought: graduation was still four years away.
Finding a girlfriend? Come on, over four years of college, even a dog should manage to find a mate.
Worst case, if he really couldn’t find one, he’d just pick some random girl on campus at the last minute and hand her over to the goddess to pass the check…

As long as it didn’t drag innocents into it.

Since this whole mess started from his own wish,
he definitely couldn’t let his brothers pay the price.
He couldn’t let his desire for a girlfriend cost his bros their manhood.

“Uh… that can’t be undone.”
The goddess sat obediently, face full of compassion:
“I’m just an intern. I can’t reverse it.”

“Huh?”

Lu Hang was speechless for a moment.
He stared wide-eyed for a few seconds before blurting:
“Then what about your senior colleagues?
Don’t colleagues look out for each other?
They can’t reverse it either?”

“Turning someone into a girl is a world-line-level alteration.
To put your friends’ dicks back, you’d need to find this world’s Supreme God.”

“Then can’t you help ask around?”
Lu Hang clung to one last shred of hope:
“You’ve got connections, right?”

The goddess shook her head:
“If you step in dog shit on the street and slip, would you go ask the U.S. President to wipe your shoes?”

“Fuck.”
Lu Hang understood the analogy perfectly:
“Then how did you change me back from catgirl before?”

“Catgirl is catgirl. Human is human. They’re not the same.”

“How are they not the same???
It’s just a person plus a tail and two ears!”

“Poor mortal.”
The goddess looked at him with pity, scanning him up and down:
“Your understanding of catgirls is truly shallow.”

What kind of profound thing was a catgirl anyway? Did it really need deep understanding?

Seeing Lu Hang’s blank stare, the goddess shook her head and stared back at the computer screen:
“You don’t understand catgirls. To you, seeing me is like a frog in a well looking at the moon in the sky.
If you understood catgirls, seeing me would be like an ant gazing at the blue heavens…”

“Then you’re really fucking impressive.”

“I know what you’re thinking, Lu Hang. I can peek into human hearts.”
She swung her dangling flip-flop idly:
“Don’t think you can just grab some random girl and call it done.
I’ll know immediately whether you actually fell in love.
As a goddess, I’m not letting you pass by picking up some girl off the street.
You have to genuinely fall in love with her.
Only then does the wish count as fulfilled.”

“During this time, I’ll keep helping you.
On the day you graduate in your senior year, I’ll hold a final test to judge whether you’ve truly fallen in love with a girl.
If you pass the final trial that day, everything will be perfect.
After that, I’ll never appear in front of you again…
But for these four years of university, to help you find true love, you must keep completing the requirements I give you.
That way I can ensure everything stays on track.”

What kind of “track” was cohabitation? Lu Hang wondered.

“But don’t worry—
as you’ve seen, every time you complete one of my requests, the rewards will be generous.”

“But if you don’t pass the assessment on graduation day,
I’ll summon great fortune to forever cover up the fact that I failed to fulfill your wish…”

“You’re not even pretending anymore, huh.”
Lu Hang said.

“Can’t help it. We have KPIs here.
Wish-fulfillment rate has to be 100%.”
She spread her hands.

“…”

Lu Hang took a deep breath.

Suddenly he really wanted to snatch the flip-flop she was dangling from her toes,
then smack it hard against her forehead.
Then slap her face with it repeatedly.

But if he actually did that,
next time he stepped outside he’d probably get run over by a passing truck,
or spend the rest of his life as a catgirl with no way back.

He could only swallow his anger, nearly giving himself internal injuries.

“You’re already doing great. You’ve started cohabiting.
According to the manga I read, living with a girl for a week means you fall in love with her.
That’s common sense.”

“But it’s a manga. Manga means it’s different from the real world…”
Lu Hang said.

“So what?”

The goddess shrugged.
Right then, her toes lost grip on the flip-flop strap—
it fell to the floor with a slap.
She casually slipped it back on and stood up, completely unbothered:
“I don’t really understand you humans anyway…
I just follow the manga one by one and try them out.
Once it succeeds, I’ll give you another twenty thousand as a reward.
Money solves everything, right?”

“What if I don’t fall in love with her? What then?”
Lu Hang couldn’t help asking.

“Then we move on to the next manga.
Next task.
There are so many love methods in this world—
surely one of them works.”

The moment Lu Hang thought of that ridiculously long-titled Japanese manga she was holding last time, he nearly lost it.
If her references for romance were all light novel toilet paper,
what if she got led astray, clicked the wrong link,
and came back with some Ghost Dad mission or something?
The entertainment value would be off the charts.
He quickly advised:
“I don’t care about the rest, but when you’re looking for references,
can you not read manga?
There are tons of actual dating guides.
Can’t you read something with words?”

“No pictures, no interest.”
She said piteously.

“…What kind of childish big-sis are you?”

“No more chatting.”
The goddess silently pulled up her mask, clumsily exited the game,
covered her exquisite face, and stood up:
“I came here just to tell you this.
You’re doing very well so far.
If anything comes up later, we’ll talk…
I have ways to contact you.
Just use the WeChat contact.
Keep an eye on your phone.”

“Wait—don’t go!
I’m being dead serious about my bros’ dicks right now.
Everything else can be negotiated—
just give my brothers their dicks back first!”

Lu Hang panicked.
No way he was letting her leave like this.
He reached out to grab her clothes.

He grabbed nothing but air.

“Keep going. Fulfill the wish, little guy. Don’t die.”
The voice drifted over from somewhere unknown.

In a half-dream, half-awake haze,
it felt like an unknown amount of time passed.
When he reached out again, the blonde woman had vanished without a trace.

Lu Hang snapped back in a daze, jumped to his feet, and roared:

“No—come back!
Give it to me!
I want the dick!
I want my good bros’ dicks!!!”

A net café staff member walked in.

He had come to hand over a paper cup as an ashtray.
Hearing the shout, his body jolted.
He turned around silently and walked right back out.