Chapter 99: The meaninglessness of righteousness.

If I could have just one wish,
if just one thing could come true…

×　×　×　×

I admit I underestimated her.
Just a princess, spoiled and sheltered.
A fragile heart that would snap as easily as her delicate frame.
I won’t even try to justify the mockery.

Still, because she was someone Violet had chosen, I was at least a little wary.
Violet can be terrifyingly perceptive when it comes to malice, yet at the same time, in the worst way, completely oblivious.

I began investigating because I feared she might be exposed to ill intent she hadn’t noticed,
and the more I dug, the deeper my suspicions grew.

She was connected to that “prince.”
And not just connected; an engagement that hadn’t been made public.
Even I, using every advantage of my peculiar position, had barely managed to uncover it.
There was no way Violet could know.

If she found out, what would she do?
Grieve? Resent? Or slowly let her heart sink into darkness?
Whichever it was, I didn’t want to see that beautiful face clouded.

That’s why I appeared before Rosette; partly as a warning.
I had already calculated that she would notice I was gathering information, even if she never realized her secret had leaked until I spoke it aloud.

Never did I imagine she would grate on my nerves this much.

(Possessiveness.)

The desire to control others; yes, I had to admit, even in that moment, that I’m strongly inclined that way.

Perhaps because so many things have always tangled my limbs and kept me from moving freely.
Perhaps because the days of having my head held down lasted too long.
I’ve always been acutely aware of my violent aversion to being controlled.
The gentle, kind mask I show everyone exists because it makes it easier to slip into their hearts, easier to have my wishes granted, easier to control them.

Easier to make them act with Yulan at the center.

(I see… She hit the bullseye.)

I never thought someone I’d spoken to for the first time today would see through a trait I hadn’t even noticed in myself.
But I felt no anger.
If it had been off the mark I would have been annoyed, but I simply hadn’t been aware; she was absolutely right.

I hate being dominated, and I desire to dominate and control.
Arrogant, insolent nature.
The inside of Yulan is a jar of venomous insects I want to look away from.
I have no interest in what people think of such filthy distortion; I can imagine it well enough.

Rosette must have seen the poison of “Yulan Kuglus.”
The cunning of a man who shows you a dream of being gently embraced while sliding his hands around your throat.
The sweet, soft thing that most people mistake for medicine; in truth a vicious addiction that hijacks your mind.

I cannot deny it, nor do I intend to.
What she felt is undeniably my true nature; there is no mistake there.

“You’re not wrong… but you’re just a little off the mark.”

Yulan does want to dominate. That part is correct.
But at the same time, he is the one most thoroughly dominated.
There is someone to whom he wants to surrender his entire heart.
There are things he wants to obtain for that person’s sake.
Every one of his actions is nothing more than preparation for that day.

He will not forgive those who hurt her.
He will not hesitate to retaliate.
All so that she can be protected within the fortress he has built.

“What I wish for is only Violet-sama’s happiness.”

“…And you’re going to tell me this is for her sake?”

Rosette’s eyes sharpened further; her condemnation of Yulan was unmistakable.
Acting on his own whims, attaching his own justifications, trying to take only the good outcomes while shoving the final responsibility onto someone else.

Even someone as arrogantly self-righteous as Yulan could imagine that.

(She’s far easier to read than I expected… no.)

Or rather, she is far more similar to me than I thought.

I had imagined someone who layered dream upon dream, an embodiment of universal love.
The complete opposite of me, someone I could never understand.
A princess who seemed to treat kindness and sweetness as virtue.
Yet when the outer layer is peeled away, a woman remarkably like myself glares back at me.

A pleasant miscalculation.
It is reassuring that the person beside Violet has no factor that would wound her.
Even her anger toward me becomes endearing once I understand whose sake it is for.

That is why this disgust is not directed at her.

“Good heavens, no… not for her sake; for mine.”

Yulan is, to an extreme degree, a creature of ego and desire.
He is not the type to move for someone else’s sake.
He wishes for Violet’s happiness because that is what satisfies him.
His heart, with its blurred boundaries, can no longer be contained within Yulan alone.
He stands beside Violet and lumps their happiness together.

If others heard this, they would call it insane; he knows that.
If shown to a specialist, it would surely be labeled some kind of disorder.
He would probably be advised to seek treatment, including the fact that he thinks that’s fine.

The insane one, the wrong one, is Yulan.
Watching over her, reaching out, guiding her would be far healthier.
Paving the road in secret, making her believe she chose it herself before she ever notices; even if called cruel, he could not complain.

Rosette is the one who is right.
He doesn’t need to be told; he already knows.

But that righteousness
never made her happy.