Chapter 58: You did a great job.

The moment she stepped into her own room, the tension that had been wound around her entire body finally loosened, if only a little.
This was the only place in the entire mansion where Violet could truly exhale.
It was a fragile sanctuary; one knock from a relative would shatter it instantly.

“Studying?”

“Yes, just a little review.”

Once dinner was over, the rest of the evening was hers.
There were no family gatherings to attend; an absence that, in its own way, she had recently come to appreciate.
If no one felt even a shred of affection for her, being left alone was far easier.

She had grown used to being compared to Mary-June and scorned.
Once that became normal, she could use the time productively instead of wallowing in misery.

“You came home late again today…”

“It’s test season. I can concentrate better at the academy than here.”

The mansion was absurdly large for the number of people who lived in it, and it boasted a library that could double as a small bookshop.
Perfect for test prep; except for one fatal flaw: her father used it often.

Running into him meant enduring whatever irrational, arrogant complaints he felt like hurling.
The mere thought exhausted her; and the fact that she could imagine it so easily made it worse.

“Yulan’s there too, so I think I’ll be coming home around this time for a while.”

“Understood. Then starting tomorrow I’ll prepare a small late-night snack you can have while reviewing.”

“Oh, thank you. Please keep the portions small or I’ll gain weight.”

“You’ll have to tell the chef that yourself.”

The servants who had worked for the Vahan family since the days of the first wife were all, without exception, constantly looking for chances to spoil Violet.

They couldn’t openly upset their employer, and if it ever came out that they favored Violet over Mary-June, the backlash would fall on Violet herself.
So they never did anything overt.

The one visible favoritism; meals; was disguised by making everyone else’s portions look larger or more luxurious.

If they baked sweets for Violet, they made slightly more for Mary-June.
If they laundered Violet’s dresses, they did extra for Mary-June.
If they prepared a gift just for Violet, they layered disguise upon disguise so no one would ever know.

They were excessively cautious, unnecessarily thorough.
Because if they were ever exposed, the punishment would fall not on them, but on Violet.

In the midst of such tense days, “snacks for test prep” were the perfect excuse.
Make enough for Mary-June too, and no one suspected a thing.

Even if everything was tailored to Violet’s tastes, no one would notice; her father didn’t remember a single thing she liked.

“I’m grateful for everyone’s feelings, but… please keep it moderate or I won’t be able to finish it all.”

“That in itself would make us happy, I’m sure.”

“I feel bad.”

“The fact that you let it touch your heart is what makes us happiest.”

“Goodness…”

She acted exasperated, but both she and Marin; and all the absent servants; knew she was secretly pleased.
They had watched the process of Violet becoming warped; they knew she wasn’t honest with her feelings.

As long as she didn’t genuinely hate it or throw a tantrum, there was no need to worry that their kindness wasn’t reaching her.

“…Then I’ll prepare some hot milk.”

“Eh?”

“Your pen has been hovering over the same spot for a while now, and I saw you rubbing your eyes.
I think it would be best if you rested for tonight.”

“…You were watching.”

“You seem exhausted. You’ve been pushing yourself harder than usual this time… It isn’t good for your health to overdo it.”

“Yes… I might be a little impatient.”

Violet was desperate because she remembered the consequences Mary-June’s arrival had brought last time, but to Marin, this level of frantic studying was a stark contrast to last year.

When she had been forced to match her father’s standards, she had struggled, but by the time she entered the senior division her “fake boy” life was already over.

And there was one more reason she was studying so fervently now.

“So many people are helping me this time… I want to do everything I can in return.”

Last time she had charged ahead alone, refusing even Yulan’s help, and crashed spectacularly.
This time the support she had was incomparable.

She wasn’t studying blindly; she had past exams to work from, and that alone promised far better results.

That was exactly why she wanted to repay this blessing; because she was terrified of losing it.

Of course she was grateful to everyone who helped, but that wasn’t the biggest reason.

What frightened her most was the fear that if she grew complacent, if she got comfortable, all of this kindness would be snatched away.

The distrust in herself that whispered she might fall again.

“…I can guarantee that you are trying your hardest, Lady Violet.
You always try too hard.”

She had tried to become what her mother wanted.
Tried to be the good child her father expected.
Tried to be chosen by the prince.

She had tried, tried, tried… and only twisted herself in the process.

And last time, she had kept trying, distorted the whole way, until the end.

To Marin, the current Violet looked exactly like the girl she had been before everything warped.
She would never dream that Violet had already failed once and come back, but still; the Violet Marin loved was still alive.

There was still time; her instincts rang the alarm.

“My job is to make the girl who tries too hard rest.
Even if I have to drag you, I’ll stop you.”

“…Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. So it would help if you rested before I have to resort to force?”

“Hehe, understood. I’ll stop here for today.”

“Then let me help you change—”

“I’m fine on my own. More importantly… hot milk with lots of honey, please.”

“…Right away. Please wait a moment.”

After sending Marin off, Violet headed to the bedroom.
She changed into nightclothes and let down the hair she had hastily tied up.
It would have weird creases, but Marin could fix it later.

“Fwaa…”

She sat on the soft bed and felt her brain begin to drift.
A yawn escaped; no one was here, so it didn’t matter.

It felt like parched soil suddenly drenched with water.
The floating, fluffy sensation was very close to sleep.

“…I did my best.”

She should have known.
She had known she was trying.

She had insisted she was trying, hadn’t she?

Yet only when Marin said it did she finally realize; yes, she really had been trying.
She had managed to try properly.

“I see… I really am trying.”

For some reason, that brought enormous relief.
Strength drained from her whole body; she let herself fall back onto the bed.

She felt like crying.

It might sound ridiculous, it might be an overreaction, but the relief spreading through her chest was that immense.

“I’m glad… I’m so glad…”

No one had ever praised her.
No one had ever affirmed her.
Her parents had only ever denied her.

She had thought she wasn’t trying hard enough.
Even while shouting that she was trying, somewhere inside she feared it wasn’t enough.
That what she was doing didn’t even count as trying.

She might have been terrified.
But she refused to admit it, so she yelled that she was trying, desperate for someone to affirm her.

She had wanted someone; anyone; to say “Good job, well done” just once.

If someone had told her “You can rest now,” just that would have been enough for Violet to stop.

“I did it… I really, really did my best…”

She no longer knew if the haze was from tears or sleep.
She just kept murmuring the same thing, like a broken radio.

She fell asleep without realizing; exhaustion had simply pulled her under.

Marin found her that way when she came with morning greetings.