Chapter 64: Pressure.

The more smoothly the test prep progressed, the closer the actual exams loomed; that was only natural.
By the time Violet had grown completely accustomed to the path to the terrace she visited almost daily, the first day of exams was already the next day.

“…Yeah, with scores like these, I think you’ll place really high.”

“The memorization sections look solid too.”

The two who graded the practice test compiled from past exams gave her encouraging responses.
She hadn’t spotted any obvious mistakes when she checked herself, but having third parties—especially talented upperclassmen—confirm it still felt reassuring.

“Thank you both.”

“Here, take this back. Glance over it lightly during breaks.”

When the graded answer sheet was returned, every question was perfect.
Of course it wasn’t guaranteed to match tomorrow’s exam exactly, but it was the ideal result for building confidence.

“You two should be fine with scores like these too.”

“Thank you so much!”

“This is Mary-June’s first exam here… but at this rate, she’ll finish with excellent marks.”

“It’s all thanks to everyone! If I’d been alone, I wouldn’t have known what to do and would’ve been completely lost.”

Through these study sessions, Violet had grown quite used to seeing Claudia and Mary-June together.
In the past, every glimpse had grated on her nerves, but now she even hoped things would continue smoothly like this.
Above all, the exams right in front of her mattered far more to her now.

(To think I’d get a perfect score… even on past exams.)

The daily study sessions had clearly paid off.
She had taken the classes once before, but she didn’t remember the test questions at all; her life was so overloaded with intense memories and experiences that everything else had faded.
Her second time around had deepened her understanding of the lessons, but that was it.
Calling it a cheat would be far too generous.

She ran her eyes over her answer sheet again, hammering into her brain the questions that had taken time or that she’d been unsure about.

Even when Mary-June had taken the exams alone last time, she had easily claimed the top spot.
This time, fully prepared, she would naturally achieve brilliant results again.
Violet was already braced for the inevitable scolding from their father.
If she steeled herself, it was nothing; she could just tune him out as usual.

But this exam carried weight far beyond her father.

Yulan had gone out of his way for her.
Claudia had lent his strength.

No one understood better than Violet how enormous that was.
More than Mary-June, who saw it as simple good fortune; more than Mirania, who had probably been surprised by the rarity of it.

Yulan had worried, hesitated, yet still chosen to help her.
Claudia had suppressed his distrust and conflict to aid a troublesome girl.

To repay them both, she had to give everything she had.

“Nervous?”

“…A little.”

“I knew it. Your face is a bit tense~”

Yulan, on the other hand, wore the same soft, relaxed smile as always.
He wasn’t the type to get nervous to begin with, but seeing him calmer than a second-year facing the same exams made her feel a little pathetic.

“But… it’s not a bad kind of nervous.”

Not the usual feeling of a knife pressed against her back, or her heart clutched in someone else’s hand.
Nothing like the dread that she could be stabbed or crushed at any second.

More like a weight on her back that made movement difficult.
As though she might collapse any moment; yet because of that, something inside her rose up, ready to fight.

This must be what pressure felt like.
She was carrying so many people’s feelings; that was why her body felt so heavy.

Yet it was pleasant.

“Because I have to do my best.”

Borrowing someone’s strength.
Wanting to respond to it.

She had never known that before.
She had never once thought of trying hard for someone else’s sake.

She didn’t know if anyone expected anything from her; she never had before.
She was only ever scolded for failing to clear hurdles that had been arbitrarily set for her.
She was never even allowed to ask whose standards those hurdles were based on, or whom they were truly for.

Everything forced upon her had felt nothing but burdensome.

Because everything forced upon her had been nothing but a nuisance.

The “for someone else” that her father demanded of Violet was always constructed in a way that abandoned her.
She was never praised for succeeding, only berated for failing.

She wasn’t even allowed to live for herself.

They stole the legs she would stand on, then ordered her to run to someone else.
Told her to crawl if she had to, for someone else’s sake.

How was that any different from slavery?

She didn’t want to become a slave.
She didn’t want to become a version of herself that existed only for others.

That feeling had grown too large, and Violet had lost sight of herself.
She had committed sins, and in the end had fallen into the very “for someone else” she despised most as atonement.

Now she understood how ridiculous and extreme that mindset had been.

People cannot live for others alone.
But they cannot live for themselves alone either.

A simple truth.
An obvious one.
Yet something she had never grasped until now.

The same feeling she had when she wanted to repay Yulan.
The desire to show results for the strength others had given her.

If that desire became pressure weighing down on her, there was no heavier weight she would welcome more gladly.

“I see… Good luck.”

The words sounded almost detached, purely cheering Violet on.
She didn’t notice the shadow that crossed Yulan’s expression as he looked away.
She didn’t see the darkness that flickered in his eyes.

She simply smiled at him, as naturally as ever.

“You too, Yulan. We’re doing this together.”

She laughed softly, eyes narrowing with delight; a perfect blend of an older sister’s dignity and innocent playfulness.

As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Violet pulled Yulan closer.
She made a seat for him in her world; without realizing how much salvation, how much joy that brought him.

“…Yeah, you’re right.”

“You got a perfect score on the practice set too, didn’t you?”

“Technically, yeah. But past exams aren’t a guarantee of a perfect score tomorrow.”

“Obviously.”

“It’d be nice if they were.”

“Then there’d be no point to the test.”

Their world was complete.
Because Violet accepted Yulan unconditionally.
A world built from their childhood friendship, and the result of Yulan gradually embedding himself into Violet’s everyday reality.

That was why Violet never noticed.

Golden eyes were watching them.

And only Yulan was aware of it.